I used to like children. I liked babies, too, and when I turned 30 I became fixated on having one. I worried about not having found a man with whom I could start a family. I believed I needed to have a child as soon as possible.

This lasted until I took a job as a part-time nanny to a seven-week-old baby. I kept that job until the boy was three and a half years old, caring for him three days a week, morning til night. It showed me how much I wanted a baby, which turned out to be not that much.

After that, I felt uncertain. Being a mother still seemed like a good idea, but the nannying job seriously reduced the appeal. I remained undeclared for years, wondering about having kids, but unable to commit to it. Finally in my late 30s, I decided motherhood wasn’t for me, and that was the end of that question.

Now when I see families with young children, or parents getting their kid ready for college, or women preparing for their daughters’ weddings I feel, well, I actually feel indifference. As much as I used to enjoy children and babies, I’m grateful to not have any.

This is an important message because an undeclared person can find many 20- to 40-year-old voices that list excellent reasons for not becoming a mother, but the question that haunts the undeclared is Will I regret not having kids when I’m older?

So as a public service I’m saying that at the age of 60 I have no regrets and I know women who are even older than me who also chose not to be mothers and they have no regrets either.

I’m an old woman who’s glad she didn’t have kids. I’m happy not being a mother or grandmother.

Another reason I’m writing this is that while there’s plenty written about choosing not to have children, I haven’t read much by women of color. Certainly I’ve never seen such a piece from someone like me: a Mexican American woman who comes from a big Catholic family.

Actually, I grew up with just my parents and one sister, far from our extended family, and that might have made a difference (although we were no less Catholic). Maybe if I’d grown up near my grandparents, my many cousins, and all my aunts and uncles, I would have absorbed more of the family-first thinking that many Latinos have. But I didn’t, and that might be part of my lack of enthusiasm about bearing my own children.

I did have a twinge of worry when my body became biologically unable to become pregnant, but it was similar to the twinge of regret I felt when seven years had passed since I had left the Cornell PhD program. After a seven-year gap, I could no longer pick up where I’d left off and finish that degree by writing a dissertation. I’d have to start all over again.

When I realized that, I had an oh-no-what-have-I-done moment. But it passed quickly and, like the motherhood question, it never bothered me again. Walking away from that PhD and taking a pass on motherhood were good decisions for me.

By the way, I think it’s important to use the word motherhood. When we only use words like babies and child-free we put the focus on those cute little humans and leave out the lifetime of work it takes to be a mother. I’d prefer if there were less “Do I want kids?” and more “Do I want to be a mother for the rest of my life?” Babies grow up, but motherhood is forever.

I think this is where I’m supposed to point out that I’m not worried about old age because having children is no guarantee that you won’t die alone and ignored. The standard no-children pitch might also include all the things I’ve done with my life because I wasn’t raising children. And maybe this article would typically have a hard coating of defensiveness.

But all I really want to say is: If you wonder if you’ll regret not having children, I have no idea. But I can say there are many aging women who are completely content without them.

Also, countless old women throughout human history died childless and with no regrets about it. The recently deceased Dolly Parton and Gloria Steinem didn’t have kids.

Think about it: the world right at this moment is full of women over the age of 50 who chose to stay motherhood-free and are perfectly at peace about it. We look at other people’s children (and grandchildren and great-grandchildren) and our response is neutral. No remorse, no guilt, no envy.

I wish you as much peace with all your life decisions.

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