My employer, Northwestern University, has been forced to eliminate positions and mine is one. People often don’t know what to say to bad news like this, but there’s one response that has drawn my attention: “Don’t worry about doing stuff for your job anymore. Just focus on what you need to do for your job search.” It becomes more emphatic when someone has evidence that I’m actually doing work: “Really, none of this is your problem anymore. Just let [other employee or division] handle it.”
This advice doesn’t quite land well because I like my job and I’m enjoying the process of straightening up my files and materials. The wonderful people who say these things are thoughtfully suggesting I put down my load, but I’m a detail-oriented person and few office tasks make me happier than cleaning up a spreadsheet. Seriously, I’m not a hapless chump, grinding away at chores to benefit the organization that just laid me off. I might be the only person for whom getting files ready to hand off is pleasant, but so it is.
Someone repeating throughout a meeting that I really shouldn’t be worrying about this, makes me feel as if my input no longer matters and there’s nothing else I can contribute to my workplace. I realize I’m a dead woman walking, but I still have ideas and information that no one else has. I told someone that her saying “Really just let the team handle this,” made me feel useless. She said, “You know that’s not what I’m saying.” I paused and then said, “Everything hurts right now.”
And looking for a job might be tough these days, but I don’t need a reminder. One friend thought she was being sympathetic when I texted her my news and she responded “Yikes, I hope the hunt isn’t horrible!” Another friend who knew I was looking texted “By all accounts the job market sucks. Otherwise I’d be looking for something new.”
I believe both these responses show someone who simply wasn’t thinking. I texted both of them back, reminding them that I’m in a delicate state these days and I asked them to be more encouraging. They both apologized.
When someone gives you their bad news, it might be best to give them a simple response such as “I’m sorry to hear that. How are you doing?” Then let the other person lead the way to the kind of interaction they need. Way too many people are losing their jobs this year because of nothing we did. My sympathies are with all of us, especially when people who mean well accidentally add to the pain.
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