I was a gym rat when I was in my 30s and 40s. I would get up as early at 5:00 a.m. to get that workout in before work. I exercised hard, regularly and fearfully. I felt driven to stay slim and conventionally attractive even years into my marriage.

When my marriage began slipping into the toilet, I gave up all the exercise. I spent 2012 to 2021 gaining weight and doing no exercise at all. I only got another gym membership ten months into the pandemic as a way to get out of my apartment and be around others. I began exercising again out of sheer loneliness and because I rediscovered that physical movement feels good.

Since January 2021 I go to the gym a few times a week and I’m doing it completely differently this time. I’m not driven by the desire to look good, clock cardio or increase muscle. There’s no fear or ego about it this time, so I don’t increase weight or repetitions, and I’ve settled into the exercises I like best. Sure, there’s that warning that if you don’t regularly change your routine, your muscles get used to the exercise and stop developing. But since I’m not doing this to develop my muscles, that doesn’t matter. If a new habit is unpleasant, people won’t do it, so better I exercise a little bit than not at all.

Here’s why going to a gym has been great for me as a graying, middle-aged woman:

1. No feeling self-conscious about how I look because no one’s looking at me. Middle-aged women are invisible, especially overweight ones. It’s like having the invisibility superpower.
2. No pressure to progress in how much I lift or how long I move because my motivation is simply to do what feels good.
3. Now that I’m at least 15 years older than most of the men there, I feel none of the insecurity I felt when I saw the gym as full of potential dates.
4. The minute a session stops feeling good, it’s time to leave. No pressure on myself to achieve a certain number of exercises or repetitions or minutes or anything. No gain, no pain.

While I see many women at my gym, there aren’t a lot of chubby, middle-aged women and most of the ones I see are there with a trainer. Why is that? I wonder if graying, fat, middle-aged women feel like they don’t belong in a fitness center unless they’re under the guidance of a professional.

If you’re a woman over the age of 50, especially if you’re overweight, enjoy the gym with a freedom you might not have had before. “Arm day?” “Leg day?” Whatever.

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