I hate this month.
I hate it like a dumped ex-lover who’s still completely in love.
Like I hate desserts when I’m on a diet.
Like I hate everyone who was invited to the party when I wasn’t.
I hate this month with its mock social calendar of virtual events.
That I fake my way through (with background Zoom tree),
Smiling and laughing,
Part of an online party when I’m really alone.
And I can’t get that out of my head.
What I DO get out of my head as quickly possible is each day,
Carefully scraping weeks and months out of my memory as I go
Through this year that has surpassed all the other years I believed were the worst.
I hope to remember nothing of 2020.
But as awful as this whole year has been I hate this month
Because December is my very favorite and contains all my favorite things,
Dreamstime_m_60452853
Except for now.
If I’m among those who live another year, I’ll celebrate next December
with all the friends I didn’t get to see
and all the food I didn’t get to eat
and all the decorations I didn’t have the heart to put up
and all the joy I don’t feel now,
If 2021 gives me that chance.
UPDATE on Dec. 24, 2025: It turned out that 2021 did not give me that chance. No Christmas since the pandemic has felt the way Christmas did before it.
Hopefully all (or most) of 2021 is going to feel so much better than this year. Scrape though the winter and look forward to better days in Spring / Summer / Fall ahead. It’s going to be so much better.
Hey, is this the man who used to follow my blog years ago under the name “Rudy Guiliani?” If so, I’m impressed that you’ve followed me to my new website! Thanks for reading. Yup, I’m scraping…
Yes, of course it’s me. 🙂
Hopefully 2021 Christmas is all you expect to be and more! This is like throwing up on your birthday! No fun!
Thanks, Teresa. In terms of memories to hold on to, I find nothing salvageable about 2020. I plan to forget it ever happened.