For single people who live alone with have no family nearby, and who struggle with a mood disorder, being physically isolated for long can be deadly (I’m referring to suicide). When people talk about weighing the risks of interacting with others against the risk of leaving people isolated, that’s in there. This fucking virus fucking sucks in a specific way for us.
Working with a holistic health practitioner who fortified me against the coronavirus with a homeopathic preventive, I’ve had the coronavirus in my body twice with mild symptoms. Actually, just the first time I had symptoms. Since then my immune system has recognized and defeated the coronavirus in a few hours. My health practitioner and another friend who’s an M.D. recently taught me that no one becomes “immune” from a virus per se. What happens is that your immune system gets so fast at dispatching it that you don’t even have it long enough to be contagious. Those of us who’ve had and defeated the coronavirus successfully are no longer in danger of catching COVID nor passing the virus to anyone else.
But the CDC (the American Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) sucks at explaining any of that, so we live in terror of dropping dead of the virus and of causing the death of others. Here in Chicago we’re white-hot with the ‘rona. The estimate is that 1 in every 15 Chicagoans is carrying it, so you can imagine how fearful people are. I don’t know why it’s so bad in Chicago now, but so it is (does anyone know? I haven’t been able to Google a reason). If this virus caused people to turn into zombies, we’d all be dead. As it is, this movie sucks.
This means my mental health is in more trouble. Unlike others — even many people in my depression support group — COVID has totally made me lonelier than before. Plus after my Juldemort healing crisis, I developed an almost phobic fear of being physically alone in a room. This is a real problem because I live alone. I’ll always be enormously grateful for a powerful spiritual healer who helped me with my summer healing crisis and with that phobia about being alone because now it seems I’m going to be more alone than ever.
I managed to find two friends to spend Thanksgiving with, but now that’s not going to happen. Because of this fucking virus and how paranoid it makes people, I’ll probably be by myself while millions of Americans celebrate with family or those in their household or their boyfriends or whomever. I realize many of those gatherings will also suck, as will the holiday for many people who don’t have homes at all and now won’t get invited to anything, but given all that, I still get to complain.
I hate the way fear makes people retreat into irrational, destructive behaviors and beliefs that make them feel safer.
So here in my world everyone’s either quarantining because they’re still planning to travel next week or they’re sick or they’re quarantining because they’re worried about being sick. I’m a demanding person who often doesn’t count you as a good friend if we don’t regularly have in-person socializing, so this Zoom business doesn’t touch my heart. Yet through Christmas, I expect to spend a lot more time Zooming with friends, all alone in here, physically isolated. It’s SUCH a good thing my spiritual healer lifted my fear of being alone. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had to face what’s coming with that phobia. I might be looking at weeks of no in-person, social interacting at all. Happy fucking Thanksgiving.
20 Nov 2020
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