Previous post on food & weight: I fasted for three days
It was 1994 and I was 28 years old when I realized I had a problem with sugar. In the 26 years since then I’ve worked hard to end my physical and emotional dependence on sweets. In the past few years, two professionals have helped me in my latest efforts. I’ve spent months doing excellent emotional work with Kerry Ito of Reclaim Your Joy and years of physical healing at Gnosis Natural Health. And today I’m relieved and happy to report that since my three-day fast, I’ve had no sugar cravings.
For almost two weeks I’ve had no sugar cravings! If you’ve read much of my blog, you know this is goddamn UNBELIEVABLE. That’s almost two weeks of –
- Not craving cookies, donuts or — my favorite — frosted layer cake.
- Not even adding sugar to my tea.
- Wandering into the kitchen at 8:30 p.m. for a snack and contentedly eating nuts or cheese or fruit instead of scouring the cupboards for a snack cake or piece of candy I might have forgotten in there.
- Not wanting dark chocolate with 56% cacao content (bitter) because the 70% cacao bar (bitter as heck) is more satisfying.
- Not being able to finish a café cup of hot chocolate because it was too sweet.
- Not having a problem with cravings in that café, even though I sat where I could see all the cakes and pastries.
- Not fighting myself to eat well!
This state of indifference to processed sugar is what I’ve been dreaming of! After I became fat in 2013, lost weight in 2015, and gained in 2016, I swore I’d never yo-yo diet again. My goal became not to lose weight, but to lose weight without feeling deprived and hungry. My goal was to lose weight in a way I could naturally and easily maintain for the rest of my life.
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| Articles about emotional eating often show tempting photos of junky crap. Why not show the healthy stuff, assholes? |
I knew that goal would require an overhaul of my physical health and habits and healing every deep, hidden, psychological reason I ate emotionally. I knew it would take time. I wasn’t sure I’d reach it. I certainly couldn’t imagine feeling as indifferent to sweets as people who don’t have a sweet tooth and never want dessert.
I still haven’t reached my full goal because I’m only at two weeks of no processed sugar and I have a long way to go. But I’ve found the health practitioners who have the treatment I need at this point, and this week I wore a pair of pants I couldn’t fit into for years after they got shrunk (but not by me) in the dryer. And I can do my favorite yoga position comfortably again (yoga squat or malasana). And I used to have to come up for air before my boots were completely fastened because I couldn’t inhale in a doubled-over position. That’s no longer true.
Kerry says the main underlying belief I had to change was the belief that I was not safe, not in the world, not in my body and not with my pain. After the NRT practitioner eliminated the physical reasons my body craved sweets, my need for sugary treats was kept in place by a basic lack of feeling safe. But now my concentrated (years-long) work to believe that I am safe at all times has paid off, and I’m still stunned by the results.
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| Hopeful that I can get smaller than this! |
It’s been 26 years that I’ve been working on getting the sugar monkey off my back and I’ve made progress all along, but maybe I finally got the final pieces in place? Maybe I can finally live without all that processed sugar? I have complete sympathy for anyone who has taken decades to give up smoking or alcohol or drugs. Everyone knows quitting those things is hard, but for some of us, letting go of the junky sweets is just as goddamn hard. People who don’t have a problem with food usually don’t get it, but we emotional eaters (and former emotional eaters) know that getting to where I am right now is a big reason to celebrate! Maybe 2020 will actually be a good year.
Next post on food & weight: Supporting the spleen.
Classikal – thanks. I think the reason I didn’t give up on myself (also called “perseverance “) is that I really saw myself as unacceptable. This sugar dependence seemed too screwed up and had to be fixed. I needed to be fixed. So I’ve forced myself to work and work and work and work to fix myself, for decades. In other words, I think my perseverance has really been self-hatred.
Cool to get a RESULT after hunting it all these years. Credit to your perseverance!
Unknown – thank you!
Meridith – oh my dog! Unrelenting is right. I don't know why I haven't given up yet, but if I really have kicked the sugar habit, this will be the monumental accomplishment of my LIFE. Well, that plus this 16-year blog.
Congrats! It sounds like things are finally turning around for you. Sugar is JUST as addictive as any other substance/behavior. Kudos for you for your unrelenting efforts!
Fantastic!