When I was in grad school at Cornell, my friend Christina and I spent mornings in the campus gym, lifting weights. It was one of the ways we dealt with the stress of being a Mexican-American and a Black woman in an environment that made us feel alternately invisible and demeaned.
After working up a sweat, we’d step into the large group shower and get clean before heading to a cafe. One day another woman showering at the same time turned to me. She was white and she said, “Your skin is such a beautiful color. I wish I could get my skin that color.” She might have said more about the way her skin tanned or burned, but I don’t remember it.
It was one of the weirdest moments I experienced at Cornell, where I went through many weird moments.
I probably mumbled a thank you, the white woman probably gave some half-apology for the strangeness of her “compliment,” Christina probably snickered uncomfortably, and I know I finished my shower stiffly. And it taught me that there’s no limit to the places white people will suddenly pierce what little privacy everyone is pretending to have.
Thank you for that very valuable recommendation, Andria! I'm going to pass it along.
In my white ignorance, I just wasn't "getting" Regina's point. Now I'm reading the book WHITE FRAGILITY and I'm starting to understand! However, I think it will take the entire 250 pages to make a dent in my lack of understanding. No wonder Regina didn't feel like starting Stephen's education. White culture prejudice is SO dense.
I highly recommend WHITE FRAGILITY.
Thanks Meredith. FWIW I'm interested and eager to understand and confront racism and I'll continue to explore the topic. The link you provided was helpful in that regard.
I would argue that intent doesn't really matter, especially when the consequences lead to devaluing an entire group of people.
Regardless of intent, we charge and prosecute drunk drivers. Did the majority of those people make an informed choice to drive will intoxicated, knowing that may cause damage, injury, or even death? They did not. But it happened, and they are responsible for it nonetheless.
The problem with white people not caring is that "subtle" racism is easy to perpetuate, to form legislation around, influence socio-cultural norms. The consequences of this subtle racism is that PoC are less likely to make decent money, have a good job, receive an education, be safe, or even live their lives without fear, compared to white people.
I realize that you probably don't want to face the confusion and guilt and general negativity regarding what racism is and how you play into it, but if you care at all about the wellbeing of your friends, family, neighbors, and yourself, it is your duty to start thinking about it.
Steve, for some more information on microagressions (microinvalidation, etc.) and intended versus unintended racism, check out this informative resource from the UM Dept. of Anthropology and Sociology.
socanth.wp2.olemiss.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/154/2018/10/Microaggressions-report-10-9-18.pdf
Steve, when a person of color writes about racism, a white person should not respond except to address the racism. Imagine someone writing about being raped at a concert and someone responding with how they feel about the band that played at that concert.
Your response infuriated me, Steve, but I'm not going try to teach you anything else, and you should stop responding now. You might think you're giving a measured response in a discussion, but to me and many of my blog readers, you're only exposing yourself as a white man who is insensitive and ignorant about racism.
Headline had 2 parts: 1 Naked, 2 Racism. I chose the naked part to comment on because that was what resonated with me given my life experience and observations about social norms around being naked in front of others.
Ok then so are you writing that a white person comments about a person of color's skin it is racism independent of the persons intent in commenting. The naked part is just context and adds with awkwardness.
Defn: Racism, noun
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.
In this case its reverse racism because the white person is admiring your skin which makes you superior in that aspect.
My reply suggested the person may have been seeking social interaction and was trying to say something kind and the interaction was not inherently racist.
So here is the dilemma, white people don't know (or want to know) these norms which POC want to establish so it creates a lot of potential for misunderstandings.
Does it matter whether the person has intent to harm or hurt or if they are just uninformed ?
If they are uninformed its still racist because they are commenting on a difference between themselves and the other person and the difference is because of race. Yet I see a big difference between this subtle type of racism, and more overt acts which are prejudicial and put own race in superior position to the other.
Summer is coming, I wish my skin was not so white.
Steve, I think your whiteness is the reason you have chosen not to address the point of my post, but have addressed a tangential topic. When a person of color writes about racism, a white person should not respond except about the main topic. If you have anything to write besides a comment on prejudice and white ignorance, write nothing at all.
I have to control my eagerness to socially interact with people yet shower spaces are sacred.
The Yale Psychology of Happiness course instructor gave me "Rewirements" homework to seek more social interaction, including short conversations with people you just happen to be sharing space with. My mother used to do this and I found it embarrassing. Perhaps this individual was seeking social interaction and trying to be kind.
At Esalen there is often random social interaction while naked in the mineral springs. Maybe its just because its Esalen and there are different social norms,. Yet it makes me consider the western puritanical view that we cannot interact when we are not clothed seems to be oppressive. In Japan while enjoying Onsen I have had many interactions with people from all over the world. In Canada I had social interaction at natural hot springs. So I think its Americans who are the ones who are messed up.
As a massage therapist I see and touch a lot of skin on naked people, it's a very natural thing to me. I never comment on someone's skin unless I spot a lesion and then I suggest they visit a Dr.