How many people reading this have been the ex-girlfriend, attending the wedding of a former boyfriend? How often does it happen and how much time usually goes by between the end of the former relationship and the wedding? In this case, 18 years. Yes, we kept in touch for that long. Anyone else stay friends with an ex for that long?
He came to my wedding, too, which happened 15 years into the post-relationship period (I would call that period a friendship, except that for the first three years of it we weren’t ready to be friends yet). Yes, we both got married for the first time in our 40’s, in the slow lane of the relationship highway (for a long time I couldn’t bring myself to leave the on-ramp).
Robert will actually be the first ex whose wedding I attend, so I’ll finally find out how that feels. One thing I know: I probably wouldn’t handle this wedding well if I were not already married. How he managed to attend mine in a single state, I’ll never know. I figure it must have to do with being a guy who doesn’t measure his worth by a wedding ring, but I try not to think about it. Robert’s self-esteem was always stronger than mine, but then the self-esteem of Winnie-the-Pooh’s Eyore was always stronger than mine.
I’ve been spending extra time at the gym in preparation for this June 4th wedding because my desire to avoid stereotyped clichés isn’t stronger than my concern about appearance. Unfortunately, some personal life stressors unrelated to this event have my carb cravings up, so I’ve actually gained weight in the past couple of weeks. Damn.
I was complaining about this to my friend Gina, who gave me the most brilliant way to look at it: she encouraged me to eat carbs as a gift to the bride. Of course! I’m an ex-girlfriend and Nidia and I are going to meet for the first time on her wedding day, so why the heck do I want to look good? The competition is over and we both won, I with my Robert and she with hers. This day is all about her being the most beautiful one in sight, so I’ve decided to indulge my serial cereal servings in the name of supporting the future wife of my good friend.
Also the world might be ending this year, so everybody, eat!
That Gina sounds like a smart cookie! An excellent way to look at it, and something I shall adopt the next time an ex invites me to a wedding.
Which has happened. I declined to go because it would have been very awkward and uncomfortable on many levels (at least one of my other exes would have been there), but I did send a nice gift.