I should accept that I am absolutely unable to see what my body looks like in the mirror. It’s only when I look back on photos of myself that I’m able to truly see if I was thin, carrying a few extra pounds, carrying 10 or 15 extra pounds (which I have done), etc.

It’s photos like this one, in which I weigh 122 pounds (taken two months ago), that make me doubt the experts who would have me believe I should weigh the same as on my high school graduation day. On that day in 1984, I weighed 105 pounds. I should try to drop another 17 pounds from the weight I have in this photo??

Disclaimer: since I’ve become properly obese, I re-read these old posts and see my body dysmorphia and obsession with food and weight. It’s sad to me now.