When my depression is bad, I feel ready.
Ready or Not to Die
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What Do You Do During the Christmas Season?
My hope lies in friendship.
I Hate Myself: Depression and Low Self-Esteem Aren’t Always Linked
You’d think getting rid of one would take care of the other, but no.
Christmas Still Isn’t Right
Christmas 2020 sucked. This was supposed to be better.
My Middle Age Morale Problem
My life isn’t worse than it used to be; the problem is that I don’t have as much hope.
Walnut Creek, California
I returned to my home town. Yeah.
My Wheat-Free Life, Part 1
I’ve stopped eating anything that contains or is coated with wheat flour because wheat gives me stomach aches and I don’t like pain.
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In autumn 2012 I had had such a bizarre and frustrating experience of dog ownership that I used National Novel Writing Month to draft a memoir of what I'd been through the previous year with a pitbull mix mutt named Ozzie. Since then my manuscript has evolved to...
Christmas 2020
I hate this month. I hate it like a dumped ex-lover who's still completely in love Like I hate desserts when I'm on a diet Like I hate everyone who was invited to the party when I wasn't. I hate this month with its mock social calendar of virtual events That I fake my...
Holiday Loneliness
In the post I finished an hour ago, I said that being able to add some foods back to my diet on Dec. 27th (while I'm on the McCombs Candida Plan) is another reason to wish December away as quickly as possible. December has always been my favorite month of all. Why do...
This Virus Fucking Sucks
For single people who live alone with have no family nearby, and who struggle with a mood disorder, being physically isolated for long can be deadly (I'm referring to suicide). When people talk about weighing the risks of interacting with others against the risk of...
Staying Home Gets Harder For Those Who Live Alone
On Thursday the city of Chicago issued an advisory that included not having guests in our homes and it really upset me as someone who lives alone. The general advice is to celebrate holidays with only those in your household. I don't have anyone else in my household,...
Trying Dispenza Again
About seven years ago I discovered Joe Dispenza. His books teach how to use the power of the mind through meditation to change yourself. I loved his writing, his meditations and his way of approaching life. I used his meditation for years and blogged about my...
Bring the Sunshine, I Guess
Since "Juldemort" (July 2020 was so horrific for me that's how I refer to it) I've noticed startling changes in myself. One is that I no longer prefer gray skies to bright ones. As this 2015 post expresses, I used to dislike and avoid sunny days, staying inside so the...
So How Was Your Summer?
Summer 2020: my mind fell apart. The simplest way to explain it is that my psychiatrist, health care provider and I slowly and carefully weaned me off Effexor for a year, and my first day without it at all was July 4th. Within 24 hours I stopped being able to fall...